I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
