I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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