im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
