I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
