I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
