You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
