I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize