Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
