Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
