I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
