I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
