Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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