After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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