they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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