I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Randomize
