the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
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Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
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I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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