I should be sponsored by Trojan
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
