my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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