I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
