If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
