thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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