I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
