Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
