You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He felt like a one man threesome
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
