i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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