By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
