Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
