just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
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I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
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She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water