Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.