the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY