Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Im part way to drunk.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
