Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.