if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
