just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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