omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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