I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
