were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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