New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
