allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Still dying that you shit outside
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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