Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
