okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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