just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize