Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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