no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
