I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
