I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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