dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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