Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Walk of Shame today included voting.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
