when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
