do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
