You really coming over, don't trick.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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