If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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