two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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