On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
