just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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