i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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