i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
