My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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