my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
